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How To, When To

It seems like someone at USA Today has been ingesting contraband. In “Stereotype of computer geeks fades and nerds are cool”, Haya El Nasser opines:

The stereotype of the geeky techie that persists in pop culture is fading in real life, thanks to the legacy of industry giants such as Apple founder Steve Jobs and the increasing dependence of more Americans on the skills of those who know how to make their gadgets work.

Some schools are offering one-day workshops that include tips on “office finesse” and wardrobe and body language and when to talk or when to pick up a dropped napkin when meeting with a prospective employer.

When to pick up a dropped napkin when meeting with a prospective employer? WTF! How about tips on:

  • When it’s appropriate to tie your bib at the dinner table.
  • When to clip your nose hairs.
  • How long to wait before acting on a “there’s free leftover food in the conference room” e-mail.
  • How often to apply deodorant
  • How to emulate a British accent
  • How to eat cake at a going away party
  • When to clap at an all hands meeting
  • How many breaths to breathe before hitting the “send-all” button
  • How not to pile your plate sky high at free lunches
  • How to snicker without getting caught
  • How to detect tattletalers
  • How to carry your coffee cup like Wally
  • How to respond to the “what percent done are you?” question
  • When you can skip washing your hands in the rest room
  • How long to wait before consuming that seemingly forgotten lunch in the fridge
  • When to be fashionably late to meetings
  • How to wordsmith inappropriate questions to the company help desk into benign pleas for help
  • How to <<insert your intractable issue here>>

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